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アイデンティティを確保せよ

福岡の研究会合宿での発表終了。

前夜にゼミ生と飲んだので、福岡までの4時間のバスの中は爆睡で、それでもかなり寝不足だった。しかし、セミナーでは最初の発表。あの人は、もしかして来るのかな来ないのかなと思っていたら、ちゃんと自転車でやってきた。発表を聞いてもらい、的確で有益な指摘までいただいた。厳しかったけれど、この分野の第一人者に提出前の博論の論旨を聞いてもらうチャンスなんて、幸運以外のなにものでもないだろう。

発表に引き続き飲み会でも思考の明快さと発想の豊かさに驚きながら、あの人の近くでこれまで学んでこなかったことの幸不幸を思いやる。もし、直接指導を受けながら呪術研究を続けていたら、多分影響を受けすぎてアイデンティティを確保することが難しかっただろう。今日は全然太刀打ちできなかったけれど、それでも僕にしかないもの、これから大事に育てていくべきものが何なのか見えてきたような気がする。勝負はこれから。

他の人たちの発表は全て、とても精度が高かった。さすがに皆、ここ最近の就職戦線を勝ち抜いてきただけある。それぞれ個性があって面白かったけれど、対象への誠実さと、データの確かさと、飛躍しないことは皆共通して素晴らしかった。受けを狙ったり、パフォーマティヴであったり、必要以上にレトリックを駆使することは、すべていい加減さと背中合わせなんだと改めて気づかされた。

2日目の帰り道、名古屋からわざわざセミナーに参加したkmiya君とラーメンを食べてから福岡アジア美術館へ。「マドンナたちのフィリピン ―女性・キリスト教・多層文化」という展覧会では、アスワンが描かれた作品に出会う。アスワン、それはフィリピンの迷信の象徴。そんな解説文に、これもう少し早く知っていたら博論に入れられたのにと考える。まだ間に合うか。

kmiya君に見送られて(ありがとう)、福岡から宮崎までまた4時間。そのバスの中と帰り道のスーパーで学生と遭遇する。すっかり研究モードになっていた頭は、翌日の授業へと引き戻される。まだ、全然教員になりきれてない。

これで、3連続の出張発表シリーズ(大阪、名古屋、福岡)が終り、少し落ち着いた。まだまだ科研費申請、国際会議、共著執筆、そして博論と盛りだくさんだけれど、それでも移動することと作業することは別の労力だから。と思ったら、今週は奄美大島に調査実習に行くのだった。旅する日々は続く。

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