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大脱出

宮崎に戻ってから、書類仕事や資料整理などしているうちに、驚くほど早く時間が過ぎていった。朝から雨が降り続く中、はてしない作業を細々と続ける。

気づくと、もう今週から後期開始。授業準備、発表準備、科研申請、論文執筆とやるべきことは、数え上げればきりがない。年内はほとんど埋まりつくしたスケジュールを眺めながら、胸がしめつけられて息苦しくなる。自分の能力以上の仕事量を抱えていることが常態になっていて、それら全てをどうやってこなすかだけに専心している操り人形。

シンポ発表準備のために、浅田彰の『逃走論』を読んで、スキゾとパラノという手垢の付いた人格分類が、意外といい線行っているんじゃないかという気がしてきた。問題は、自由になるために何かから逃げ出すのではなくて、自由からすら逃げ出さねばならないこと。このはてしなくきつい社会からの脱出。でも、一体どこに向かって走り出せばいいんだよ。

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